Beginnings

I'm starting this blog over again as a way to chronicle my quest to start a family with my husband. We apparently are having some trouble getting pregnant. We don't know yet if it's a problem with his equipment or mine, but it's been a frustrating year. We have been together for almost four years...our four year date-iversary (I know that's not a real word) is March 21st, just a few weeks away. Our one year wedding anniversary is coming up on April 21st. We had one pregnancy scare about a year after we started dating, but that turned out to be nothing. Ever since then, there hasn't been anything even close to a scare. And we haven't exactly been careful about trying not to get pregnant for at least two years. We've been actively trying to get pregnant for a little more than a year.

I'm so frustrated. It seems so easy for some women to get pregnant. Women who aren't trying to have babies, women who probably don't really need to be having any more babies...but I am having trouble conceiving one. I don't know that it's a problem of timing, like we just aren't having sex at the right time of the month. It could be something wrong with either one of us. I just don't know, and it's so hard to see other people with their kids, or pictures of their kids on Facebook, or videos on their phones of babies just being cute. It makes me want to scream! Maybe I'm just feeling selfish, but it makes me so sad and angry when I see how easy it seems to be for everyone else.

I'm turning 35 this year, and as much as my Dear Husband, Patrick, tries to deny it or talk me out of it, I'm overweight. I've made some dietary changes and lost about 35 pounds since last year, but it hasn't seemed to make much difference in our quest to make a baby. Sometimes I'm afraid that I waited too long to try to have a baby, and I'm too old now. I know that's not true, women older than me have had healthy babies. But the older I get, the slimmer the chances that I'll get pregnant, and the greater the odds that there could be something wrong with our baby.

Who knows, maybe we just need more time?